Over a year ago, I deleted (not just de-activated) my Facebook account. This lasted for six months. Not because I “missed it”, but because personal circumstances (a family member passing away, and my other relative was primarily there) had me re-creating an account for the purpose of re-establishing a connection. This initial connection has over the past year evolved into us actually connecting regularly and often by phone and text. This family member now no longer really uses Facebook anymore and I prefer our established connection, to the initial Facebook one.
Over the course of the past ten months, my increased discomfort has led to me renewing my last year’s “New Year’s Resolution” and purging the platforms which were not serving a valuable purpose for me. The instant gratification and attraction is kind of magnetic. Which I think is Facebook’s design, to make it hard to “quit”.
It’s like a food that looks delicious, then you take a bite, and after your plate is empty, you feel yucky, but you still want to go for seconds, because the initial taste bud reaction was “more-ish”.
Then, the time I have wasted, by my own choice, has left little room for me to get to my books, and my piano practicing. For the next two years I’ve agreed to be the pianist for my church, and I’m intermediate at best, and need to brush up.
I’ve come to realize that moving on from the past is healthy and a normal process of life. The structure of social networks like Facebook tends to discourage that process. I grew up in the pre-internet days, where, when I moved away, or a friend moved away, we’d remember them, but our contact would diminish over time as they settled into their new life in their new surroundings. It is a healthy and adult growing up process that people drift in and out of our lives. It’s also healthy to get away from the middle-school mentality of peer pressure and manipulation.
Even over the past year, my initial reasons for wanting to opt out of Facebook are not only still there, but have increased in their intensity. Facebook has been relentless in their efforts to get me to download their “Messenger” app, even sending me boldfaced lie “notifications” as clickbait.
My values have changed. Seriously changed. What passed for entertainment when I was younger now no longer really leaves a good feeling for me. My values are now unrecognizable to even the me of last year.
So after reading a recent Reddit post, (coincidentally, or maybe not so?) about why people have deleted their Facebook account, the memories of why I was initially motivated to delete it last year were re-articulated resoundingly by over 5000 responses all which overlapped my experience, and I decided, it’s time for me to seriously make choices:
The forms of contact which will be embraced, received, and in reasonable time, reciprocated by me are as follows (in order of preference):
- Texting – I realize and respect that not everyone has a cell phone. I was a late adopter myself, but now appreciate the directness of a text message and being able to know immediately who it is from, and respond accordingly.
- E-mail – Everybody who has a Facebook account clearly has an e-mail address. It’s a no-brainer to add me to their contacts and just send me an e-mail.
- Old-fashioned Telephone Call – Anyone who knows me, knows I’m generally not a “chatter” on the telephone, but phone numbers are still a valid form of contact.
The length and detail of this post might leave the reader to assume I think I’m someone important. And, perhaps it’s time I did feel that way. It’s time, after nearly 50 years of doing it “everyone else’s way”, that I had the self-respect to be myself and conduct myself on my terms. “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission” applies here. I now no longer give people that permission.
I like to feel like an individual, and I like treating others as such. When I contact someone, it is for a dedicated purpose, and I’d like to feel the same human contact towards me. I don’t want my individuality diluted in a sea of constant “newsfeed”. I go the extra mile to connect to someone who I am actually thinking about, and I don’t think it’s “entitlement” to expect the same from anybody who seeks to be a part of my sphere of influence.
And I think the “detail” is necessary. Facebook is huge, so huge that it seems to be the default for nearly everyone. I hear people in passing who have just met saying “Add me to Facebook and we’ll keep in touch!” There’s a big wide internet out there, and yet a large percentage of the online population seems parked on Facebook. It’s almost like a person isn’t really “online” until they have a Facebook profile.
So this in a nutshell, is a major change I once again want to make as 2017 approaches. I plan to use this blog, which I pay for every year and yet let it sit idle, this year, and plan mostly to journal books I read, and piano hymns I am working on learning.
Happy New Year!